Audre Lorde (via wretchedoftheearth)
holy fuck. on point.
people want to highlight me as a listener, as a soft womyn of color..umm GENDERED, RACIALIZED EMOTIONAL LABOR???
exploitative - adj.
:swim through my waters to reach my listening ear,
later vomit on my lap when i don’t fulfill YOUR needs
Thanks a lot kaysh! :-)
Thanks a lot! Just trying to share my struggle.. maybe someone reading my blog, going through something similar will gather some strength knowing they’re not alone! Appreciate the love!
When I think about what left behind, from high school that is.. “Family,” “friends,” a fake life, I simply look in front of me, look at who I surround myself with now, and I laugh, because the people who were with me weren’t really with me. When I was a “pretty” young lady, a beautiful ‘girl,’ everyone was a fan, but the real me is too much to handle. I’m so thankful for the people who are in my life now; my girlfriend, her family, my dad and his mom, my big brothers, and I’m so content, because I’d rather have a few people in my life who really appreciate who I am, than a bunch of people who smile in my face who aren’t really with me. Sure, sometimes I miss some careless, fun times of high school, but even when I reflect on that, it’s really only the fun times I had with the few people who are still here. And that says a lot, because I must admit, I was the type who liked attention, who had plenty of friends, who trusted way too many people, and in the end, I was left alone, right down in Richmond, Virginia. I was out of sight, out of mind. And you know what, I love my life so much more, because it’s much more of a healthy lifestyle to be surrounded by people who love you just as much as you love them! I had to learn that just because people have been in your life for a long time, by no means, gives them the right to be forgiven for shitting on you time after time, or just because they’re you’re blood family, does not mean that your best interest is in mind. Because reality is, when you really begin to come into your own, the people who are still there are the ones that SHOULD be there. No one else. No extras, no sometimers.
The progress I’ve made since June 2011, my high school graduation, is a great feeling, and I don’t want it to change. It’s only the beginning, and I hope that my relationship with my dad and grandmother continue to grow, and my relationship with my girlfriend gets better and better, because I’m on a high that hanging out, partying with fake friends couldn’t give me. I’m high on life, the good high, because I’ve eliminated the fungi that was tarnishing my beautiful picture.
I was always told that I’ve got it all; beauty, brains, a good head on my shoulders… Little did I know, I wasn’t allowed to be butch and be beautiful, so when the same people who told me I had it all, told me I was changing in a bad way, because of my girlfriend, I’ll never forget that feeling of resentment I harbored in my mind and heart for those people; my family, my “friends,” I’ll never forget it. I knew a change had to be made in my life, because reality check: this is the woman I love, and she aided me in loving myself enough to not hide my true self from the world, but instead show off my true colors! And the love I receive from the people who are genuinely in my corner is much more powerful. Powerful enough to make me forgive and
FORGET all of those people who shitted on me a thousand times over.
I’ve realized that I do have the potential to “have it all,” so hate me, make up lies about my girlfriend and me, throw me in jail, start a riot, do whatever you have to do to come to terms with the fact that I eliminated the people who were holding that “all” back; because I love myself now, much more than I love anyone who is disloyal to me. So thank you, fake family, fake friends, for treating me so badly, that I know for sure what real love should feel like. And I apologize to the one whom I love so much, my fearless girlfriend, for making it way too hard to love me at times, but you know what, WE “have it all,” and I won’t let anything else tarnish our beautiful picture. You’ve taught me that fake people come and go, but the truest friend will never leave your side, especially when you need them most. You also taught me that this is God’s way of cleansing my life, and building me up into a much stronger woman, with a much greater purpose. For these things, I can’t thank you enough. <3
Miah A. Register
Followers! I’ve been M.I.A.
But it’s spring break now, my birthday’s right around the corner, so I’m back and ready to blog! haha
By the way, all my sorrows about not being able to get a job have ended! Thanks to my amazing girlfriend, she put a great word in for me, and I finally have a job. I start Thursday. Wish me luck!!